This is half-pie.

There’s a serpent in every paradise, and here is no exception.

Here the most evil thing has six legs, loves the dark, and emits an annoying whine as it looks for a place to land. I’m talking of course, about mozzies.

(OK – putting a bit of perspective on here – maybe not really a full on archetypal evil snake thing in the Garden, more like an earthworm gone bad.)

Anyway, the other night at about two am, after soothing Rosa to sleep from her tooth-induced wakefulness, Becky and I were plagued by a succession of the things. It was too hot to hide under the sheets, and turning the light on just seemed to make the bastards stop flying.

We got to the stage where we just lay there wanted them to bite us, take the blood they needed, and fuck right off so that we could return to sleep in peace. But no, for some reason they were hesitant and preferred instead to fly around keeping us awake for what seemed like hours.

In other words they were useless at being disease carrying pestilential beasties: all they could manage was being fucking annoying.

Eventually though, we remembered the flyspray. (It was the middle of the night – perhaps we can be forgiven for not thinking of it sooner.) We sprayed enough around to make our noses and throats burn. The mozzies went a bit loopy; one crashdived into my head. But it fixed them good. That time.

And then I had a thought.

Maybe the useless mozzies demonstrate that the environment is so benign here that it might actually be a good place to hole up during the apocalypse. Because if Brian and his pals are right I’ll definitely be among those Left Behind.

So it seems to me that perhaps the four horsemen, when they arrive in the little bay here, could be dispatched by a lone bloke armed only with a can of Mortein. But Extra Strength, not that useless low-allergenic stuff.

I can feel a plotline coming on for a religious thriller that will sell zillions into christian fundamentalist households across the world.