in which some vanity surfing finds my internet nemesis
Of course, everyone does it.
Go on, type your own name into Google. How many results in the top 10 relate to you? As at today, six of the top 10 for Alan Macdougall relate to me. I’ve been on the Internet for over 11 years now, and my trail is everywhere. Which is a little scary. [One should always vanity surf before applying for new jobs, so that you know what Google knows about you. And I guess it’s a bit late now to regret that series of Usenet news postings in 1994 to alt.leather-working.deviant.]
But… recently I’ve found that the top two spots are owned by Milwaukee web designer and part time scribbler Alan MacDougall. And he knows it. Smug bastard. For back in October last year, in the comments to one of his blog postings, he said:
As I said in a previous rap: “Google my name, I’m the first result.”
Unless that fucker from New Zealand has leapt ahead of me again. Just get off the internet, dude!
So, back at you, Mr MacDougall: “Hey! You’re talking about me, man! It may be true that I’m a fucker (I have two children, so it’s pretty likely I can be assigned that label at least twice) but I’m not making way for you on the internet. I am staying, right here!”
Take that!
I wanted to get really down on him, but hey, he’s got a posse. And one of them is on station in that new American dustbowl, Iraq. I don’t know anyone near as tooled up, so I gotta be careful.
But I will have the last laugh. At present, my Google pagerank is a not too shabby 5; whereas his is a measly 3. Therefore it hopefully shouldn’t take too much to push half-pie ahead of his site. Let the scheming begin.
Of course, me even linking to him increases his pagerank slightly… but hey, I’m a generous guy. A good winner is always generous.
And I’ve got a posse too.
ben.run
11 October 2005, 22:00 #
It might be time for you to set up a link farm!
Ben.
Alan
12 October 2005, 04:07 #
When I wrote it, for some reason I did not think for a second that you would ever run across it. I’m glad you took it in good part. Let’s hope you are as sanguine when my shadowy minions expunge your paltry site from human knowledge! Or… something.
Actually, since tall talk is about all I have at my disposal, I should make nice so I never have to back up the shadowy-minions thing. So, my best to you!
Alan
12 October 2005, 05:13 #
Damn. A reasonable and polite nemesis.
Where’s the dramatic tension?
Alan
12 October 2005, 05:14 #
(BTW, for the benefit of other readers, Alan and I are comment doppelgängers. You have to hover over our names and check the web address to tell us apart.)
Martha
12 October 2005, 06:45 #
Bugger him being polite. I was all prepared to join your army.
Brena
12 October 2005, 07:33 #
Brilliant!
Alan
12 October 2005, 07:39 #
You can still join my army, Martha. I was kind of counting you in my posse anyway, hope you don’t mind.
Malach has figured out a way to assist, (although with an additional “L”).
llew
12 October 2005, 07:53 #
Hah, ignore him, with a name like that he sounds like a real goober.
Oh… hey wait…!
Alan
12 October 2005, 08:02 #
I agree Llew. That big “D” in the middle of Macdougall – it’s just plain wrong.
noizy
12 October 2005, 08:43 #
more help
And at least you’re in the top 10 for your name. I scrape in at at #13 on a search for my proper name.
Got noizyboy sewn up though. Might have to change my name by deed poll at some point…
Malach
12 October 2005, 08:50 #
d’oh!
Sorry, surplus L has been expunged :)
Martha
12 October 2005, 09:22 #
In my own way, I’m trying to help too. Not to mention trying to crack the elusive 10k.
Caro
12 October 2005, 09:47 #
OOH OOH me too! I’ll join the posse!!
noizy
12 October 2005, 12:31 #
up to #2 when I last looked
Alan
12 October 2005, 12:42 #
I think the results are a bit variable, depending on which set of servers you are sent to.
By this time next month though…
Patrick
12 October 2005, 13:59 #
Searching for my propername on google all of the top 10 are me.
This shows more the improvement in search engines than anything else… 3 or 4 years ago you’d get results for “patrick quinn” or “patrick quinn, graham …” and so on.
At any rate, be sure that you have another member of the posse here, and I’m willing to throw the weight of my googlerank in your direction too.
David
12 October 2005, 14:00 #
I share a name with a footie player and some obscure philosopher who are both over represented on the web. Trying to take the number one ranking is a losing battle.
house_monkey
12 October 2005, 23:53 #
I share my name with some bastard M.P. in England who typically hogs all the top spots. Bloody politicians. The fact I never use my real name online probably doesn’t help either.
Justin
13 October 2005, 01:53 #
A: my weapons get taken away from me when I get removed from a combat zone; B: I don’t even appear in the first couple of Google result pages; C: I only started getting tough here in the “American dustbin”. You have little to fear.
Alan
13 October 2005, 05:50 #
h_m: now you’ve got me trying to guess your last name.
Justin: that’s a relief. I’m thinking maybe you need to change your name by deed poll to Justin HowlingMadCoyote; then there’d be no-one else in the world with your name.
100 days for you now? Keep safe.
Mike
13 October 2005, 10:41 #
How old is this “dude” in US of A? I ask because at some point he’s gonna have to realise that being popular on Google web results doesn’t get you laid.
Does it?
Alan
13 October 2005, 11:01 #
I can confirm that it’s never done it for me.
I don’t know about other-Alan in Milwaukee though. Maybe Google-juice scores real big with American women.
Alan
13 October 2005, 14:19 #
The point of “brag rap” isn’t its actual content; it’s the skill and humor with which the boasting is delivered. That, I am proud of; the Google thing is mostly a result of having registered a fairly narcissistic URL.
A casual scan back through my blog entries will turn up plenty of hastily-written lyrics I’ve performed at local poetry slams. I’m not a rapper; I’m not musical enough. I’m not a poet; I’m not deep enough. But at least I manage to entertain.
(Oh, and I’m 29; I have six more months in which to act like a twentysomething before I have to quit having fun.)
Alan
13 October 2005, 18:31 #
Alan, don’t worry, we’re just pulling your leg. Mike could equally have asked why I find it important. And like you, I don’t think it’s that important… except as a source of entertainment. :-)
As for the fun thing, it does exist beyond 30. It’s just takes a different turn. Or was that not turning 30, or was it having kids? I can’t remember now…
Alan
14 October 2005, 10:18 #
I think we need more people posting comments as Alan.
Bond. James Bond
14 October 2005, 10:19 #
Hah! Just joking. That was ME!
Jasmin
15 October 2005, 11:21 #
How bizarre … two of the first three are actually me! I’m surprised indeedy. Nowhere near as famous as you Alan .. but I know I’m just not as much of a geek :-P
Alan
23 October 2005, 23:22 #
My goodness, this is amusing indeed. Hello, Alan. :]